Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Marriage - Who needs it?

hey guys....I havent forgotten about this blog...expect an update from me before the month is the interim, Here's an interesting article I found on Enjoy!!!

That's what many of us single Gen-Xers are saying. Of course, that's what we say about love, parents, kids, friends -- essentially every item or concept that causes us a moment of grief. The things that are closest to our hearts can hurt us the most, and we find ourselves wishing we could just do withoutt hem. But the very fact that we spend so much time and energy thinking about marriage is actually an indication that we DO need it -- or at least, we need something that it perfectly embodies.

It's my first evening out with Nick - who so far appears to be an incredibly accomplished, adorably sensitive 25-year old. In the mellow lighting of this four-star restaurant, I am enjoying listening to him talk about himself. He is clearly enjoying it oo. I forget the cares of my newly acquired "young urban professional" lifestyle as I listen to Nick's tales from his world. For a brief moment, I recall the game of "house" that I used to play as a child. Nick and I are playinig "romance" perhaps - but no harm done: it's just for fun; just for here; just for now.

Reality strikes: Nick is saying, "Here's something you dont know about me: I was married."

"Oh really," I say, trying not to show any particular emotion, and not sure that this revelation really affects me anyhow.

"Yes ... for four months."

I retain my listening posture, and he explains how he he and this young woman both wanted to be Married. They both wanted to do right what their parents had done wrong; they wanted to give and receive love; they wanted to be every-kind-of-intimate happily ever after. Enter the evil Little Things (the way she squeezed the toothpage tube, or the way he folded his socks) which accumulated and soon became very big things. Genuine Big Issues came up too...Like her inability to understand and support his passions in life. After four months, they decided to just split up while they were still childless and hadn't yet marged all of their assets.

Or at least I think that's what he said. As I am nodding along and trying to listen, I am thinking of my father. When he's on a date with a new woman, does his description of his brief marriage to my mother sound this way? "She and I were incompatible ... she couldnt understand my pasions ... it was better to end it sooner than later." In the mind of a child of divorce, the questions abide and persist: Why couldnt you mamke it work? Whose fault is it? If it just wasnt "meant to be", why did you have to enter into it so hastily in the first place?

Nick's reflections are also ringing thru when I think back to my own engagement over four years ago. I had wanted to be in Love. I wanted to be loved. I wanted what I knew could be so right, and I wanted to do it better than my parents had done it. I wanted a guarantee that this would work, and I did everything I could to foster faithfulness and interdependence. For four years we were "in love". We were as serious as high school students can be, and we were faithful. But "Love" for its own sake is never enough. Little things that should have remained little began to bother me. I became a nag at the age of 17, and I didnt like who I was becoming.

I broke off my engagement before a date had even been set - but like Nick, I completely flung my heart and mind into this deep desire to "do love" properly. Why would either Nick or I have approached marriage - especially with little to no positive examples in our lives? There should be no reason why we'd want to try that love stuff - unless we are designed for relationships.

to read the rest of the article please click on the link: LOVE LESSONS

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Is your Mr. Right on Campus?

Hello people...Hope everyone is doing well
Me personally Im at work and VERY sleepy...
woken up by a thunderstorm...tried to sleep for an hour
i got to bed but then I was late for work with still not enough sleep
Anyways this morning, my sister sent me a link...thought it was an interesting article and I wanted to share


Sunday, August 20, 2006

Point 10 & A prayer

If you've been following this series...Thank you. I hope it helps. If you have an input or anything you'd like to contribute, please let me know or you can leave a comment.

Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you. A man's relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive.

Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run. If you and your man cant soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for one another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.

So you decide.

How much is your life worth?
How much is your love worth?

You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man?

Throughout the Biblical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.



Dear Heavenly Father, I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should have been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping. Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me.

As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me.

Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice.

In Jesus' Name. Amen.

(The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much)

Friday, August 18, 2006

Point 9 - Complementary

This is point 9 of 10...if you havent done so already, please start reading from the introductory post below

Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bring blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?

This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes. When I go shopping, I always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If i find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accesories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition.

If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spiritually, emotionally or physically? Does your longing for a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are? The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel -- because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time!

Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!

God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Point 8

Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision?

Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we see in Adam, a man doesnt need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do. Is the man in your life guided by a sense of destiny and purpose? Or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person -- and you'll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life.

A man who has vision is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it!

A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with.

You want a man who is firmly anchored in his identity in Christ. Remember we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man God has ordained for you to complement.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Points 6 & 7

This is a 10point series on how to recognize the Right Man...although it seems more focused on women, I believe men as well can learn a few things from this...please start to read from the Introduction post below

Point 6
Remember that a man's family reveals the cloth from which he is cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation

Point 7
Check out the patterns in his life
Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kingdom? Broken relationships? Problems in making committments? including the job market?

Mood swings? Is a problem always someone else's fault? Does he embrace responsibility or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation?

Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some begin to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff

Monday, August 14, 2006

Points 3, 4 & 5

Point 3:
The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you

Point 4:
Check out his buddies.
Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man's pals tell you a lot about the person that you havent seen yet. They reveal things about the guy's character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Dont stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

Point 5:
Check out his relationship with his mother
How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really dont like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Point 2

This is a 10-point series. Start reading from the introduction post below

Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you, and God's hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE. From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together.

At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you. In God's perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam had no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don't have to help a guy out because he's shy! Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want. The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested.

Many a woman's mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it: "We love him because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19)

Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don't need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man - your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as the wrong man at any time. So trust God's timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker (watch out for this series). Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found

Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in establishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you -- this is your first act of submission.

Jesus set the standard for all men to follow, They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Point 1: Check out the Fabric (Pls, read intro post first)

Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ? Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another CO-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship. Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God? Scripture is clear on this: Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness (2 Corinthians 6:14)

You need to have common interests and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same spiritual diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attracts, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore, does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isnt interested, dont waste your time. Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he's not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he's not going in your direction, get off the bus & wait for the right one

Thursday, August 03, 2006

The Right Man - How to Recognize Him [10 point series]

This was shared with me. There are 10 points to this..I'll will take them a little at a time...Here's hoping you can follow this through and learn from it. Would also love any input. do you recognize the right man?

A more important question is - How do you catch the RIGHT one?
Simple: You take only the bus that's headed in the RIGHT DIRECTION

First, we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking.

Second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before it is made on an emotional one.

"What about love? Shouldnt that be the third?", you ask.

No, and I'll tell you why.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" Jeremiah 17:9
The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right directions: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" Proverbs 4:23

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage. Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage

Friendship is two people working together in agreement and accountability, learning and growing together

Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively -- it is the decisive turning toward the agreed upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage

But dating? Well , if you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts

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