Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Marriage - Who needs it?

hey guys....I havent forgotten about this blog...expect an update from me before the month is over...in the interim, Here's an interesting article I found on Boundless.org. Enjoy!!!


That's what many of us single Gen-Xers are saying. Of course, that's what we say about love, parents, kids, friends -- essentially every item or concept that causes us a moment of grief. The things that are closest to our hearts can hurt us the most, and we find ourselves wishing we could just do withoutt hem. But the very fact that we spend so much time and energy thinking about marriage is actually an indication that we DO need it -- or at least, we need something that it perfectly embodies.

It's my first evening out with Nick - who so far appears to be an incredibly accomplished, adorably sensitive 25-year old. In the mellow lighting of this four-star restaurant, I am enjoying listening to him talk about himself. He is clearly enjoying it oo. I forget the cares of my newly acquired "young urban professional" lifestyle as I listen to Nick's tales from his world. For a brief moment, I recall the game of "house" that I used to play as a child. Nick and I are playinig "romance" perhaps - but no harm done: it's just for fun; just for here; just for now.

Reality strikes: Nick is saying, "Here's something you dont know about me: I was married."

"Oh really," I say, trying not to show any particular emotion, and not sure that this revelation really affects me anyhow.

"Yes ... for four months."

I retain my listening posture, and he explains how he he and this young woman both wanted to be Married. They both wanted to do right what their parents had done wrong; they wanted to give and receive love; they wanted to be every-kind-of-intimate happily ever after. Enter the evil Little Things (the way she squeezed the toothpage tube, or the way he folded his socks) which accumulated and soon became very big things. Genuine Big Issues came up too...Like her inability to understand and support his passions in life. After four months, they decided to just split up while they were still childless and hadn't yet marged all of their assets.

Or at least I think that's what he said. As I am nodding along and trying to listen, I am thinking of my father. When he's on a date with a new woman, does his description of his brief marriage to my mother sound this way? "She and I were incompatible ... she couldnt understand my pasions ... it was better to end it sooner than later." In the mind of a child of divorce, the questions abide and persist: Why couldnt you mamke it work? Whose fault is it? If it just wasnt "meant to be", why did you have to enter into it so hastily in the first place?

Nick's reflections are also ringing thru when I think back to my own engagement over four years ago. I had wanted to be in Love. I wanted to be loved. I wanted what I knew could be so right, and I wanted to do it better than my parents had done it. I wanted a guarantee that this would work, and I did everything I could to foster faithfulness and interdependence. For four years we were "in love". We were as serious as high school students can be, and we were faithful. But "Love" for its own sake is never enough. Little things that should have remained little began to bother me. I became a nag at the age of 17, and I didnt like who I was becoming.

I broke off my engagement before a date had even been set - but like Nick, I completely flung my heart and mind into this deep desire to "do love" properly. Why would either Nick or I have approached marriage - especially with little to no positive examples in our lives? There should be no reason why we'd want to try that love stuff - unless we are designed for relationships.

to read the rest of the article please click on the link: LOVE LESSONS

10 comments:

Poetic Justice 2/7/07, 6:20 PM  

when i started thinking about the little things that irked me about my fiance I almost lost it but during our counseling session our marriage counselor told us that we need to work those little things out now because it can strain a marriage and dont' rush to understand the other person.

one thing that I know is that we are not all the same and the anal neatness I carry on my back is not the same for him so I have learned to accept him and love those annoying teeth grinding things he does.

Those are the things I miss most when he isn't around.

Thanks for visiting my blog. Love the way you write

LondonBuki 3/13/07, 8:23 AM  

Where is your main blog????

DiAmOnD hawk 3/13/07, 8:34 AM  

taking a sabbatical. planned on it before. really i dont know that i have much to blog about anymore...but i guess i'll put it back up...cuz the timing is a little off now....

LondonBuki 3/13/07, 9:22 AM  

Oh! Please put it back up... ok, I should not tell you what to do.

I hope I'll still see your comments around and see you on gmail.

No email at work so couldn't email you when I saw your blog disappear.

x

The Pseudo-Independent 5/30/07, 9:57 AM  

Please update and let me know thanks

Jem 6/1/07, 2:54 PM  

Interesting..... i have a question though

I know that people are different and a couple must work together to understand each other, accept each other and reach a compromise even in the midst of their varying opinions/differences.

What happens when one person is willing to compromise and the other is not?

Sherri 9/12/07, 11:08 AM  

@jem
contrary to popular belief,i dont accept that anyone should be willing to compromise in a good relationship, whatever issues that can't be resolved thru effective communcation boils down to irreconcilable diffences.

The Life of a Stranger called me 9/20/07, 3:49 AM  

why wont you update this blog anymore. WHY??

Mustafa Şenalp 10/4/07, 7:28 PM  

çok güzel bir site.

Oracle 11/5/07, 11:00 AM  

Relationships and marriage stuff is something i think you can't say you're entirely prepared for.
You just have to take things as they come and adapt.

If you really can't hold on, itz better to break up a relationship than to break up marriage

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